Being A Married Mom Isn't Always Easy

***Disclaimer: this post is not my usual kind of post. It is almost rant-like. Please read it all the way through before attacking anything that I say. I just needed to vent. ***

I am not attacking single moms, but I am tired of hearing about how hard it is to be a single mom. Today I want talk about how much of a struggle it can be to be a married mom. Just because you have another adult in the house, doesn't mean that life doesn't have complications or that it isn't hard. There are actually times that having another adult in the house makes things more difficult than they would be without said adult. I love my husband with all of my heart (we have spent the last 20 years together because this love is strong and unyielding), but I would be lying if I claimed that I have never had the thought of how much easier some things would be if I was doing it on my own...I'm sure he has had these thoughts as well.

I have heard it said that single parents have it tough because they have to get their kids to all of their activities and events with no help from the other parent. Well, the fact that one is married is not a guarantee that both parents are equally involved in everything. Most days, I am the one getting all four of our kids prepared to go to whatever event or activity we have for the day. Oh, how I would love to sit down and read a book while I waited until the last minute to get myself ready, but I don't have that luxury. No, instead I have to start getting myself ready at least two hours prior to when we have to leave for somewhere, so that I know that I have enough time to get four other family members ready to go on time as well. I am the one that sets out everyone's clothes...even my husband's. On the rare occasion that I do decide to not push everyone to do what they need to do and only worry about myself, we without a doubt will end up running late. I have occasionally allowed myself to believe that I will receive extra help getting the kids ready (and I won't have to do it all by myself), but that never ends well for anyone in the household. My husband will without a doubt be upset that we are running late, the kids will be frazzled because they can't find their shoes or don't have their hair brushed when it is time to leave, and I will be mad at myself for allowing it to get this far. It also falls on my shoulders to ensure that all necessary equipment, books, food, etc., is also loaded into the vehicle and ready to go on time. And if something does happen to get forgotten, I, as mom, am always the one to claim the blame. Even at bedtime, I am the one to make sure that everyone has had their baths/showers, brushed their teeth, brushed their hair, said their prayers, and has had their bedtime story read.

My helper in getting everyone ready.

I am the one that takes the kids to their practices, lessons, and doctor's appointments. I stay up late wrapping presents on Christmas Eve and filling eggs on the night before Easter. I don't even know that my husband could name their doctor or dentist. And I know that he has no clue as to the amount of time that I spend trying to make each and every holiday perfect. He is generally asleep within an hour of the kids going to bed; while I am at least 3-4 hours behind the kids.

When I want to have a girls' night out or even go to the grocery store by myself, I always check with my husband to make sure that he doesn't have other plans for the day or evening before. Actually, I check with him before doing anything that would require me to be sans kids. . This, by far, differs from his world of being able to send me a text letting me know that he will be stopping by a friend's house or the store after work.
And as for household chores, there is not the extra hands-on help that some assume come with being married. There are days that I get help, but those are far and few between. The cleaning and cooking are mine to do (Yes, I realize part of this is my job as a stay at home mom, but a little help on the weekend would be amazing). I have even felt at times that I have a fifth child that I am cleaning up after and taking care of.

Then there are the times that I have everything planned out and a schedule all set, only to have it ruined by my husband deciding that today he has made plans for the family. Do you realize how challenging it is to change things just because someone has decided they want to do something different than your plan? During these times, I find myself thinking that as a single mom I would be able to do as I pleased and my plan would still be intact.

Typical Dad fun while
Mom is busy cleaning.

Now let's talk about when a parenting decision needs to be made. Because my husband and I are two individual people, our parenting styles don't always match. It can be increasingly frustrating when we have to decide on disciplinary issues...even our decision to homeschool was not an easy one. We both had lists of pros and cons, and it was a long drawn out process to get to a conclusion. However, I expect to have differences when it comes to major decisions. I am caught off guard and become annoyed when we disagree with little things like snacks or volume level of play around the house or in the car. I believe that the kids having a piece of fruit or vegetable while waiting for supper to be ready is perfectly acceptable. My husband does not. If they aren't hungry for supper after a healthy snack, is there really any harm done? Perhaps because I am home with the kids all day, I am more laid back. I am sure that coming home after being gone for 10 hours and working in all weather conditions does make one want to come home to relax to a quiet household; I just have a hard time wanting the kids to act any differently than children should. I believe kids should run and play and make noise. Although there are times that they should be quiet and listen and be calm; I don't see time around the home as one of those times (unless it is during our school time).

I don't want any of you to think that I'm complaining about spending time with my kids; I love them more than I could ever explain. However, I am merely pointing out that just because I am married to my husband, I do not have any more freedom than that of a single mom. I would almost venture as far as to say that I have less, at times. I don't have every other weekend kid-free (not that I would be a very willing party to having my kids gone every other weekend). I am not able to just do as I please because another adult is at home. I usually don't get the help getting everything organized and keeping everyone on track. I don't get the extra help cleaning the house and doing chores.

It really is all worth it when you are in love!

I also don't want anyone to think that I don't appreciate my husband.  He is a super hard worker, and that takes him away from our family at times that I know that he would rather be with us. But he being gone and coming home tired makes it difficult for him to be as active as he or I would sometimes wish. Thus, being a married mom isn't always easy.

I'm sure there are people out there that have it all together and that fully support each other in everything...I just have yet to meet any of these people. As two independent people, it is certain that married people aren't going to agree on everything and that they will over-react to disagreements at times. It takes a lot to make the conscience decision to work through it all. We know that we have made this commitment to one another before God and all of our family and friends. This bond that we have together is one that stretches to its limits at times. But through faith, love, and prayer we are able to come back together stronger than we were before we were stretched. It isn't a cake walk to be married. There are, most certainly, ups and downs. There are days that I think of how it would be easier to be on my own (and as I previously said, I'm sure my husband also has these days). During these times, I turn to God through prayer, and I am always led back to my husband's waiting embrace. The following two Bible passages have always been ones that have stood out to me whenever I begin to question just how difficult marriage is. I know that God will lead me through the tough times, and I am positive that the love my husband and I have for each other is greater than any of the struggles that we will ever face.

John 16:13: When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.

1 Corinthians 13:13: So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

4 Benefits Of Being Married To A Diehard Sports Fan

I grew up in a sports family. All four of my siblings and I participated in most of the sports offered at our school, and if we weren't in a sport, we went and supported the team. But we didn't really watch that many sports on television. We watched college football on Saturdays if we were home, and we watched the pros on Sunday afternoons and Monday nights (again, this only occurred if we were actually home). We pretty much only watched basketball during March Madness and baseball during the World Series. My dad had his favorite teams, but he was never such a diehard that he couldn't miss a game. I didn't realize that other families weren't like ours. I knew that my husband was a sports fan and enjoyed playing and watching pretty much every sport; I thought this all seemed to be just like my family. Until I realized that he is a diehard Chicago Cubs & Iowa Hawkeye fan! I had no clue what I was in for, and I had no clue that I would benefit so much from it!

1. Increased Memory
          I thought the off season was the off season for fans, so I was shocked that he actually cared about who was being traded and drafted and how pre-season training was going. I was amazed that he was able to name all of the players on the team...I'm lucky to remember the names of all of the starters. And now I have a 10 year old son that is also able to show me up by not only naming every player on the team, but also being able to rattle off any positions they play and their game stats! I have to admit, it has made watching every game more exciting now that I get to see how crazed my son becomes over them, and my ability to memorize names and numbers has greatly improved thanks to my competitive nature...yes, I really want to be able to beat my own kid at a trivia battle.  

2. Becoming tech savvy
          I didn't realize that it was so important to see every game. This meant that when we first got married, I had to keep a stock of blank VCR tapes, so that we could record any games that we wouldn't be home to watch live. I became an expert in setting a VCR. The time had to be set correctly, the wires all had to be connected correctly, the tape had to be rewound and put in, and most importantly, I had to remember not to change the channel during the recording if I was home during game time. Thankfully the invention of the DVR has made all of this so much simpler, even more so now that I have learned how to program the DVR to give me access to all of our teams' games with the push of a button!

3. Being a gift giving expert
          Did you know that to a diehard fan has at least one of each item of clothing with their team on it? Yep, that's right...even socks and underwear are made with sports teams on them and the diehard owns these items! Good clothes are the newest team apparel that they own. I know that going out on a date night means that my husband will be adorning whatever new Hawkeye or Cubs shirt that he was last given or that he last bought. If we are going somewhere nice, a button-down shirt will be put on overtop of his t-shirt, but without a doubt the fan gear is still being worn. And Christmas Mass apparel will be his Hawkeye sweater and Hawkeye socks...because if it has been knitted, it is special occasion wear! However, there is a plus side to all of this; I know that if I ever need to get a gift for my wonderful man, all I have to do is pick up some new fan gear. Hello, easy shopping!!!

4. Super powers
          Oh, and of course I have been taught all about the things that we are allowed to talk about and the things that we aren't allowed to talk about because talking about things can and will undoubtedly directly impact the outcome of the game and/or season. Never and I mean never is one allowed to talk about a no-hitter...especially if it is a perfect game; this rule is overridden though if it is the opposing team's pitcher that is having said game. And if your team has a history of being "cursed" said curse is definitely off limits, as is any time a player is about to break a record and many, many other things (some of which I still forget that I'm not allowed to talk about).  I would have never guessed that I would be able to make a difference in a game that I am not playing in or even attending. But apparently, the universe has a way to curse your team if you even think about mentioning something. If only I had always known that I had such an incredible influence...now I just need to find a way to hone this super power to do more than just affect sporting events! 

I remember when I first realized that my husband was such a diehard fan; it was more than a little intimidating. And I would have never guessed that I would actually benefit from being married to a crazed die hard sports fan, yet now I know that I wouldn't change it for anything else in the world. Because while I am able to teach my husband things about faith and the benefits of being part of a church family, he has taught me some very special attributes of truly being an always loyal die hard sports fan!