Lenten Season Preparation

Crown of thorns our 4 kids made. Each day of Lent, they will remove one thorn/toothpick.

Fat Tuesday is here, and it is time to prepare my family and myself for the glory that is the resurrection of Jesus Christ! Today we rejoice and reflect in what it means to be ready to partake in the celebration of the resurrection. We have always known the Lenten Season to be a time of sacrifice, but do we truly understand what that means? How do we make sure that we are aware of what it means to sacrifice and prepare?

Reconciliation
Going to reconciliation is scary. I even stopped going for several years as an adult because I was worried about what the priest would think of me. How could I face him on Sunday morning after he has heard the things that I have done, said, or thought about doing? Thankfully, we have had wonderful priests that have reminded me that everyone sins and everyone can be cleansed of their sins if they are truly sorry. What a powerful thing! To know that God loves us all so much that he knows we will sin and yet continues to love us. All we have to do is say that we are sorry and truly feel that way and we will be forgiven! How amazing is that! Our priest we have now has also told me that it is humbling for him to listen to the confessions of the parishioners. He has also felt like a failure for sinning and listening to confessions reminds him that he is not alone in this journey to follow the Lord. We, too, must realize that we are not alone in this adventure and that we are not the only ones that step off the path on the journey. Please remember that going to reconciliation helps free you from the guilt and weight of carrying your sins with you forever...even our older kids have commented on how they feel better about themselves after going to reconciliation. The personal reflection that is done to prepare for reconciliation helps us to become more aware of changes we need to make to better follow the Word of God.

Discuss Sacrifice
Too often we think of sacrifice in the terms of giving up candy, soda pop, sweets, or other junk food. We need to realize that sacrifice is also in giving up nontangible things such as gossiping, yelling, lying, pouting, and just being negative, etc... Think about that. Which is harder to do: go 40 days without candy or go 40 days without gossiping?  Which of these is more of a sacrifice for you? This year we decided to do a family activity that involved each of us to pick something to give up and something to take up. The give up fell within the parameters that one would assume we would all pick: pop, candy, ice cream, playing on electronic video games. The take up had to be something that was a behavior in which we would become a more positive person: no fighting with siblings, no yelling (that one is mine), making the bed every morning without being asked, and no whining when asked to help with chores. I'm really excited to see where this will take us!

Take Up & Give Up craft made by our 8 year old.

Inside of her Take Up and Give Up craft

Do For Others
We have really strived to our kids how important it is to be a good family member, friend, neighbor, and nothing makes me happier than seeing the kids do those random acts of kindness. During the Lenten season, we have made it our mission to do at least one act of kindness for others...something extra that we aren't already doing. The kids have already started making a list of things: walk the elderly neighbor's dog on cold days, help clean up the neighbors' yards once the snow melts, spend an hour one afternoon helping people carry their groceries to their cars, their lists go on and on in this fashion. Our 12 year old just added help Miss Mary (our 84 year old widowed neighbor) take care of Carver (her dog that has gotten sick and needs daily meds which Mary isn't able to administer on her own).

Forgive
Far too often we carry not only our own sins with us as baggage, but we also refuse to let go of any sin that has been done to us. Remember when praying the Our Father we ask God to forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us. Think about that. We want God to forgive us, and we must also be willing to forgive others. This is hard. It is easier to say that we are sorry for something we have done than it is for us to give forgiveness to those that have wronged us. The act of forgiveness not only benefits the person that we are forgiving, but it also helps us to let go of any feelings of injustice or hatred that we may be harboring because of the wrong that was done. Remember that we are all sinners, and we must be willing offer the forgiveness to others that we seek for our own sins. I have found that sometimes it is hard for me to call someone and let them know that I forgive them or ask for their forgiveness, so I have started writing letters. I am able to get all of my thoughts out without the worry of something coming out wrong. Usually I will receive a phone call from whomever I sent the letter to, and others times I will receive a letter back. It is wonderful to get something besides a bill in the mail, and it is wonderful to know that I have given forgiveness to someone or been able to apologize for something that I have done.

In the end, the one thing we want is to get ourselves to the point where we realize that we aren't worthy of the love that God and Jesus have shown for us yet we know that we have done our best to acknowledge our unworthiness and appreciation for it all. Remember God giving us his son, Jesus, and Jesus being willing to give of himself, is the reason that we celebrate this season. And if God and Jesus could give so much of themselves, it is only fitting that we should also give of ourselves more than what we may feel comfortable giving.

What are some of the ways that your family prepares during the Lenten season?

God bless all of you and your family!

Being A Married Mom Isn't Always Easy

***Disclaimer: this post is not my usual kind of post. It is almost rant-like. Please read it all the way through before attacking anything that I say. I just needed to vent. ***

I am not attacking single moms, but I am tired of hearing about how hard it is to be a single mom. Today I want talk about how much of a struggle it can be to be a married mom. Just because you have another adult in the house, doesn't mean that life doesn't have complications or that it isn't hard. There are actually times that having another adult in the house makes things more difficult than they would be without said adult. I love my husband with all of my heart (we have spent the last 20 years together because this love is strong and unyielding), but I would be lying if I claimed that I have never had the thought of how much easier some things would be if I was doing it on my own...I'm sure he has had these thoughts as well.

I have heard it said that single parents have it tough because they have to get their kids to all of their activities and events with no help from the other parent. Well, the fact that one is married is not a guarantee that both parents are equally involved in everything. Most days, I am the one getting all four of our kids prepared to go to whatever event or activity we have for the day. Oh, how I would love to sit down and read a book while I waited until the last minute to get myself ready, but I don't have that luxury. No, instead I have to start getting myself ready at least two hours prior to when we have to leave for somewhere, so that I know that I have enough time to get four other family members ready to go on time as well. I am the one that sets out everyone's clothes...even my husband's. On the rare occasion that I do decide to not push everyone to do what they need to do and only worry about myself, we without a doubt will end up running late. I have occasionally allowed myself to believe that I will receive extra help getting the kids ready (and I won't have to do it all by myself), but that never ends well for anyone in the household. My husband will without a doubt be upset that we are running late, the kids will be frazzled because they can't find their shoes or don't have their hair brushed when it is time to leave, and I will be mad at myself for allowing it to get this far. It also falls on my shoulders to ensure that all necessary equipment, books, food, etc., is also loaded into the vehicle and ready to go on time. And if something does happen to get forgotten, I, as mom, am always the one to claim the blame. Even at bedtime, I am the one to make sure that everyone has had their baths/showers, brushed their teeth, brushed their hair, said their prayers, and has had their bedtime story read.

My helper in getting everyone ready.

I am the one that takes the kids to their practices, lessons, and doctor's appointments. I stay up late wrapping presents on Christmas Eve and filling eggs on the night before Easter. I don't even know that my husband could name their doctor or dentist. And I know that he has no clue as to the amount of time that I spend trying to make each and every holiday perfect. He is generally asleep within an hour of the kids going to bed; while I am at least 3-4 hours behind the kids.

When I want to have a girls' night out or even go to the grocery store by myself, I always check with my husband to make sure that he doesn't have other plans for the day or evening before. Actually, I check with him before doing anything that would require me to be sans kids. . This, by far, differs from his world of being able to send me a text letting me know that he will be stopping by a friend's house or the store after work.
And as for household chores, there is not the extra hands-on help that some assume come with being married. There are days that I get help, but those are far and few between. The cleaning and cooking are mine to do (Yes, I realize part of this is my job as a stay at home mom, but a little help on the weekend would be amazing). I have even felt at times that I have a fifth child that I am cleaning up after and taking care of.

Then there are the times that I have everything planned out and a schedule all set, only to have it ruined by my husband deciding that today he has made plans for the family. Do you realize how challenging it is to change things just because someone has decided they want to do something different than your plan? During these times, I find myself thinking that as a single mom I would be able to do as I pleased and my plan would still be intact.

Typical Dad fun while
Mom is busy cleaning.

Now let's talk about when a parenting decision needs to be made. Because my husband and I are two individual people, our parenting styles don't always match. It can be increasingly frustrating when we have to decide on disciplinary issues...even our decision to homeschool was not an easy one. We both had lists of pros and cons, and it was a long drawn out process to get to a conclusion. However, I expect to have differences when it comes to major decisions. I am caught off guard and become annoyed when we disagree with little things like snacks or volume level of play around the house or in the car. I believe that the kids having a piece of fruit or vegetable while waiting for supper to be ready is perfectly acceptable. My husband does not. If they aren't hungry for supper after a healthy snack, is there really any harm done? Perhaps because I am home with the kids all day, I am more laid back. I am sure that coming home after being gone for 10 hours and working in all weather conditions does make one want to come home to relax to a quiet household; I just have a hard time wanting the kids to act any differently than children should. I believe kids should run and play and make noise. Although there are times that they should be quiet and listen and be calm; I don't see time around the home as one of those times (unless it is during our school time).

I don't want any of you to think that I'm complaining about spending time with my kids; I love them more than I could ever explain. However, I am merely pointing out that just because I am married to my husband, I do not have any more freedom than that of a single mom. I would almost venture as far as to say that I have less, at times. I don't have every other weekend kid-free (not that I would be a very willing party to having my kids gone every other weekend). I am not able to just do as I please because another adult is at home. I usually don't get the help getting everything organized and keeping everyone on track. I don't get the extra help cleaning the house and doing chores.

It really is all worth it when you are in love!

I also don't want anyone to think that I don't appreciate my husband.  He is a super hard worker, and that takes him away from our family at times that I know that he would rather be with us. But he being gone and coming home tired makes it difficult for him to be as active as he or I would sometimes wish. Thus, being a married mom isn't always easy.

I'm sure there are people out there that have it all together and that fully support each other in everything...I just have yet to meet any of these people. As two independent people, it is certain that married people aren't going to agree on everything and that they will over-react to disagreements at times. It takes a lot to make the conscience decision to work through it all. We know that we have made this commitment to one another before God and all of our family and friends. This bond that we have together is one that stretches to its limits at times. But through faith, love, and prayer we are able to come back together stronger than we were before we were stretched. It isn't a cake walk to be married. There are, most certainly, ups and downs. There are days that I think of how it would be easier to be on my own (and as I previously said, I'm sure my husband also has these days). During these times, I turn to God through prayer, and I am always led back to my husband's waiting embrace. The following two Bible passages have always been ones that have stood out to me whenever I begin to question just how difficult marriage is. I know that God will lead me through the tough times, and I am positive that the love my husband and I have for each other is greater than any of the struggles that we will ever face.

John 16:13: When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.

1 Corinthians 13:13: So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.