Volunteering: The Highs and Lows

          

                                                                           Growing up my mom kept a framed poster of Life's Little Instructions, Vol. 2 by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. in our guest bathroom. One of the instructions that has still remains in my head is, "Volunteer, sometimes the jobs that nobody wants to do conceal great opportunity." I guess it is the combination of reading this quote for over half of my life and watching my mom always stepping up to help whenever there was a need, that has caused my to become what my husband refers to as a compulsive volunteer. He jokes that I have volunteered before anyone on a committee even realized that they need a volunteer. There are definitely days that I get overwhelmed and tired and start to wonder, "What Was I Thinking?".




It all started innocently enough. The religious education director at church had asked if I would be willing to be a substitute teacher. "Absolutely," I thought. The next year I became a full-time teacher for the Sunday religious ed classes. This was my only volunteering for two years, and I was loving the fulfillment that I got every week working with the kids. It wasn't much, but it was enough between online classes, working part-time, and homeschooling our four kids. Yet, I wanted more.

So, as my husband and I were discussing where we would have our son play flag football the next fall, it dawned on me that I could orchestrate a flag football program for our community. Little did I realize everything that it would take to start this up: obtaining a tax id, taking out insurance policies, getting others to volunteer as coaches, refs, and chain crew, sending out informational flyers, taking registration, communicating with the school for use of the fields, communicating with the parents, players, coaches, and refs, ordering jerseys, getting donations from local businesses, printing programs, getting to the games early to set things up, and solving any issues that came up.

 This was great. I was getting to put to use the education that I had earned over the years studying
business management. I was also getting to work with kids and do something great for our community. It was unexplainable how great I felt spreading the word of God with kids on Sunday mornings and working hard to start up something for our community's youth to do locally. What I didn't realize was that volunteering was becoming an addiction. The more I volunteered, the better I felt. I was on a volunteer high. I had become involved in more than 7 different programs and groups; some of which I was the sole director.

For the most part, I was riding this high and feeling great. However, there were getting to be more and more times that I was experiences extreme lows...especially on the days that I was needing to complete several volunteer responsibilities on top of activities that I had to run our own kids to. My husband watched me going through these ups and downs, and he became my saving grace. He reinforced in me that it was going to be alright if I stepped down from some of the volunteering that I was doing. He is now my sounding board when I have been asked to volunteer for something. I have learned to not say yes to anything without first discussing it with my husband. He has been such an amazing resource to me in figuring out the pros and cons of each volunteer responsibility. Had my husband not helped me figure out that I needed to step down from some volunteering, I honestly don't know where I would be....I probably would have ended up having some form of a nervous breakdown.

Yet, as I think about all of the opportunities that I have been able to experience thanks to the volunteering that I have done and I couldn't be happier with my compulsive volunteerism. The lessons that I have gained through volunteering far outnumber all of the education that I have ever received and all that I have ever learned in any paid job that I have ever had. Also, I don't think that I would ever be able to get the emotional and spiritual gain through anything other than volunteering.

Volunteering has allowed me to grow as a person. I have learned about myself and others. I have gained knowledge in how to work with adults and children (both as individuals and in groups). I know that I have done a good thing in organizing local opportunities for kids when I see the smiles on their faces as they participate and when I get text messages from parents about how sadden their child is if we had to cancel a practice due to inclement weather. I love the feeling I get when I watch a kid run a race in their best time, put on their jersey for the first time, get their first hit in the ball game, or talk about how they know that they are loved by God and what actions they can do to share God's love with others.

           Experience         confidence    

          Support    worthwhile   

           Knowledge                 Inspire

These pros of volunteering are often over looked. A lot of people look at it as what is in it for me? Can I use this volunteering to further my career? If I volunteer, will my child get more playing time? Will I get some sort of public recognition for my volunteer efforts? I can honestly tell you that if these are the things that you want to reap from volunteering, then you shouldn't volunteer. You will be let down as will the people that you are volunteering with/for. You will become burned out from the work that goes into volunteering. I will tell you this, though. If you want to truly make a difference in the lives of others with no thought about what you will gain, then you should definitely volunteer. You will find that while you went into it to help others, you also gained something from the experience. You gained all of the intangible things that I mentioned in the previous paragraph. These things can not be measured, yet I assure you that they are priceless.

Please though, check yourself as you get on the volunteer high to make sure you haven't taken on too much. Always make sure you know of all the tasks that will need to be performed as well as the time that is required before you commit to volunteering. This is a lesson that was hard for me, and I don't want to see anyone become anti-volunteering because they were scared to say no and took on too much.

What are some of the positives that you have gained from volunteering in your community? 

Being A Married Mom Isn't Always Easy

***Disclaimer: this post is not my usual kind of post. It is almost rant-like. Please read it all the way through before attacking anything that I say. I just needed to vent. ***

I am not attacking single moms, but I am tired of hearing about how hard it is to be a single mom. Today I want talk about how much of a struggle it can be to be a married mom. Just because you have another adult in the house, doesn't mean that life doesn't have complications or that it isn't hard. There are actually times that having another adult in the house makes things more difficult than they would be without said adult. I love my husband with all of my heart (we have spent the last 20 years together because this love is strong and unyielding), but I would be lying if I claimed that I have never had the thought of how much easier some things would be if I was doing it on my own...I'm sure he has had these thoughts as well.

I have heard it said that single parents have it tough because they have to get their kids to all of their activities and events with no help from the other parent. Well, the fact that one is married is not a guarantee that both parents are equally involved in everything. Most days, I am the one getting all four of our kids prepared to go to whatever event or activity we have for the day. Oh, how I would love to sit down and read a book while I waited until the last minute to get myself ready, but I don't have that luxury. No, instead I have to start getting myself ready at least two hours prior to when we have to leave for somewhere, so that I know that I have enough time to get four other family members ready to go on time as well. I am the one that sets out everyone's clothes...even my husband's. On the rare occasion that I do decide to not push everyone to do what they need to do and only worry about myself, we without a doubt will end up running late. I have occasionally allowed myself to believe that I will receive extra help getting the kids ready (and I won't have to do it all by myself), but that never ends well for anyone in the household. My husband will without a doubt be upset that we are running late, the kids will be frazzled because they can't find their shoes or don't have their hair brushed when it is time to leave, and I will be mad at myself for allowing it to get this far. It also falls on my shoulders to ensure that all necessary equipment, books, food, etc., is also loaded into the vehicle and ready to go on time. And if something does happen to get forgotten, I, as mom, am always the one to claim the blame. Even at bedtime, I am the one to make sure that everyone has had their baths/showers, brushed their teeth, brushed their hair, said their prayers, and has had their bedtime story read.

My helper in getting everyone ready.

I am the one that takes the kids to their practices, lessons, and doctor's appointments. I stay up late wrapping presents on Christmas Eve and filling eggs on the night before Easter. I don't even know that my husband could name their doctor or dentist. And I know that he has no clue as to the amount of time that I spend trying to make each and every holiday perfect. He is generally asleep within an hour of the kids going to bed; while I am at least 3-4 hours behind the kids.

When I want to have a girls' night out or even go to the grocery store by myself, I always check with my husband to make sure that he doesn't have other plans for the day or evening before. Actually, I check with him before doing anything that would require me to be sans kids. . This, by far, differs from his world of being able to send me a text letting me know that he will be stopping by a friend's house or the store after work.
And as for household chores, there is not the extra hands-on help that some assume come with being married. There are days that I get help, but those are far and few between. The cleaning and cooking are mine to do (Yes, I realize part of this is my job as a stay at home mom, but a little help on the weekend would be amazing). I have even felt at times that I have a fifth child that I am cleaning up after and taking care of.

Then there are the times that I have everything planned out and a schedule all set, only to have it ruined by my husband deciding that today he has made plans for the family. Do you realize how challenging it is to change things just because someone has decided they want to do something different than your plan? During these times, I find myself thinking that as a single mom I would be able to do as I pleased and my plan would still be intact.

Typical Dad fun while
Mom is busy cleaning.

Now let's talk about when a parenting decision needs to be made. Because my husband and I are two individual people, our parenting styles don't always match. It can be increasingly frustrating when we have to decide on disciplinary issues...even our decision to homeschool was not an easy one. We both had lists of pros and cons, and it was a long drawn out process to get to a conclusion. However, I expect to have differences when it comes to major decisions. I am caught off guard and become annoyed when we disagree with little things like snacks or volume level of play around the house or in the car. I believe that the kids having a piece of fruit or vegetable while waiting for supper to be ready is perfectly acceptable. My husband does not. If they aren't hungry for supper after a healthy snack, is there really any harm done? Perhaps because I am home with the kids all day, I am more laid back. I am sure that coming home after being gone for 10 hours and working in all weather conditions does make one want to come home to relax to a quiet household; I just have a hard time wanting the kids to act any differently than children should. I believe kids should run and play and make noise. Although there are times that they should be quiet and listen and be calm; I don't see time around the home as one of those times (unless it is during our school time).

I don't want any of you to think that I'm complaining about spending time with my kids; I love them more than I could ever explain. However, I am merely pointing out that just because I am married to my husband, I do not have any more freedom than that of a single mom. I would almost venture as far as to say that I have less, at times. I don't have every other weekend kid-free (not that I would be a very willing party to having my kids gone every other weekend). I am not able to just do as I please because another adult is at home. I usually don't get the help getting everything organized and keeping everyone on track. I don't get the extra help cleaning the house and doing chores.

It really is all worth it when you are in love!

I also don't want anyone to think that I don't appreciate my husband.  He is a super hard worker, and that takes him away from our family at times that I know that he would rather be with us. But he being gone and coming home tired makes it difficult for him to be as active as he or I would sometimes wish. Thus, being a married mom isn't always easy.

I'm sure there are people out there that have it all together and that fully support each other in everything...I just have yet to meet any of these people. As two independent people, it is certain that married people aren't going to agree on everything and that they will over-react to disagreements at times. It takes a lot to make the conscience decision to work through it all. We know that we have made this commitment to one another before God and all of our family and friends. This bond that we have together is one that stretches to its limits at times. But through faith, love, and prayer we are able to come back together stronger than we were before we were stretched. It isn't a cake walk to be married. There are, most certainly, ups and downs. There are days that I think of how it would be easier to be on my own (and as I previously said, I'm sure my husband also has these days). During these times, I turn to God through prayer, and I am always led back to my husband's waiting embrace. The following two Bible passages have always been ones that have stood out to me whenever I begin to question just how difficult marriage is. I know that God will lead me through the tough times, and I am positive that the love my husband and I have for each other is greater than any of the struggles that we will ever face.

John 16:13: When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.

1 Corinthians 13:13: So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.