Dear Mom At The...

Dear mom at the...wait. Stop!

 We've all seen them, and most of us are guilty of clicking on and reading them. You know those blog posts that we hope will make us feel better about whatever decisions we have made. Here's the thing, we should be happy because we are happy, not because some stranger has justified our choices. I don't care if you are the mom at the park on her phone, the mom at the park pushing her kid on the swing, the mom at the park socializing with other moms, the mom that isn't at the park because she is at work and the nanny is with her kids at the park, or any other type of mom at or not at the park.

 NONE OF THAT MATTERS!

 Here's what does matter:

• Do you see smiles on your kids' faces when they are at the park? You know that they are enjoying their time at the park. Do they love it when you push them on the swing or watch them go down the slide? Absolutely they do! But do you know what they enjoy even more? The fact that they are able to go to the park to play! I promise you that they will not look back on their childhood and say that they didn't have fun at the park because their mom didn't x, y, or z. Rather, they will look back and say that their mom is awesome because she took them to the park or arranged someone else to take them to the park while she was at work. 

·         Does seeing your kids enjoying themselves bring a smile to your face? When you catch them at the bottom of the slide, does it make you smile? When you look up from your phone or book or glance away from the conversation with friends, does it make you smile watching your kids? When the nanny sends you a video of your child going across the monkey bars, do you smile because you know the courage it took for them to do it? I bet you answered yes to at least one of these questions. If you did, then take joy in knowing that your kids have found joy in being at the park and take pride in knowing that you have made time for them to go to the park and just be kids.

·         Do your kids ask to go back to the park? If they ask to go back, then you must be doing something right? If you being there beside them as they go down the slide is ruining their fun at the park, then they wouldn’t ask to go back. I’m willing to bet that if you or the nanny tells your kids to get ready to go the park that they never complain. Rather I bet that they get excited and rush off to put on their shoes because they are excited to go to the park.

It really is that simple. None of us need the endorsement from a stranger (although it can feel good) that it is okay for us to be right beside our kids, sitting on the bench while our kids play, or at work while the nanny takes the kids to the park. The only things that we need to know are these three simple things: our kids are smiling, we are smiling, and our kids want to go back. There you have it mom…YOU ARE AWESOME, AND YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT! But you didn’t need me to tell you that did you?

The Looks.....

I am still amazed at the looks that I receive from people when they become aware of the lifestyle my family lives. One would think that I would be used to it; after all, I have been receiving these looks from the beginning of my life as a parent 7 years ago.

From the time that Josephine was a baby and I would tell people that I was a breastfeeding /cloth diapering mom, I received more questioning looks than I did approving ones. The breastfeeding seemed to be okay with most people (although many felt that they needed to explain why they had not done so) until they became aware that I was going to continue to do so until my baby was at least a year (if not longer). The cloth diapering brought on many looks; I like to say that I was cloth diapering when cloth diapering wasn't cool. :)

Then the looks that started to occur when people found out that I was planning on home schooling our kids, should have set in concrete what was to come as the kids had gotten older. Yet, even after getting the looks for the breatfeeding, cloth diapering & knowledge of our plan to home school, I still find myself caught off guard by the looks we receive when taking the kids out during the day (when most people assume they should be attending school).

We only have formal in-home instruction 4 days out of the week; which leaves one day every week for our errands and field trips. So, yes, we will be out in the store during the middle of the day. And yes, I hear you whispering, "shouldn't those kids be in school?".  BUT mostly, I notice your looks.... the stares, the glances, and the glares! My children also notice and ask, "why are they looking at us, Mom?".

I am careful to choose my words so that my beautiful children don't feel that they are being judged or have done anything wrong. My usual response is simply that people aren't used to seeing such wonderfully behaved kids at the store; thus they are watching us in awe.

But as for those that are looking.....YES, two of my kids are old enough for school. And YES, they are in school. I am home schooling them, and their education is flourishing both academically as well as socially!
 So, please don't be so quick to judge and stare; as you mostly likely are not aware of the entire situation of any individual.

I have learned through the past 7 years of my parenting career that it is easier to pass judgement on the choices being made by other parents than it is to look at your own decisions. I do not know what works best for your kids, nor do you know what is best for mine. However, I do know that staring and causing a scene, when my children are present, is not in the best interest of anyone. So, please hold your judgement of my family to yourself. And we will continue to raise self-respecting, responsible, respectful home schooled children!